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LAWS4U.TXT
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1992-11-30
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;REMEMBER THESE LAWS, THEY WILL CERTAINLY
;REMEMBER YOU.
;
Crittendon`s 14th application
of Murphy`s First Law: You cannot successfully
determine beforehand which side of the bread to
butter.
Ginsberg`s Theorems:
1) You can`t win.
2) You can`t break even.
3) You can`t even quit the game.
Weiler`s Law:
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn`t
have to do it himself.
Chisolm`s Third Law, Corollary 3: Procedures
designed to implement the purpose won`t quite
work.
O`Toole`s Commentary on Murphy`s Laws:
Murphy was an optimist.
Sevareid`s Law:
The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Kitman`s Law:
Pure drivel tends to drive away ordinary drivel.
Sattinger`s Law:
It works better if you plug it in.
Osborn`s Law:
Variables won`t; constants aren`t.
The Law of Selective Gravity
(The Buttered Side Down Law):
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Zymurgy`s First Law of Evolving System Dynamics:
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to
recan them is to use a larger can.
Anthony`s Law of Force:
Don`t force it, get a larger hammer.
Westheimer`s Time Estimation Rule:
Estimate the time you think it should take,
multiply by 2, add 3, and change the unit of
measure to the next higher unit.
Bye`s First Law of Model Railroading:
Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the
number of faults encountered is proportional to
the number of viewers.
Wolfgang`s Third Law:
It can`t work.
Don`s Axiom:
When all else fails, read the instructions.
First Law of Advice:
The correct advice is to give the advice
that is desired.
Third Law of Advice:
Simple advice is the best advice.
The Fourth Law of Computing:
On a slow day, you can wait forever.
Sweer`s Impossibility Theorem:
Nothing can be both completely general
and internally consistent at the same time.
Murphy`s First Law:
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy`s Second Law:
Everything takes longer than you think.
Murphy`s Third Law:
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong,
and at the worst possible time.
Murphy`s Fourth Law:
If there is a possibility of several things
going wrong, the one that will cause the most
damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy`s Fifth Law:
If anything just cannot go wrong,
it will anyway.
Murphy`s Seventh Law:
Left to themselves,
things tend to go from bad to worse.
Murphy`s Eighth Law:
If everything seems to be going well,
you have obviously overlooked something.
Chisolm`s Third Law, Corollary 1:
If you explain so clearly that
no one can misunderstand,
somebody will.
Chisolm`s Third Law, Corollary 2:
If you do something which you are sure will
meet with everyone`s approval, somebody
won`t like it.
Crane`s Law:
There ain`t no such thing as a free lunch.
Law of Communications:
The result of improved and enlarged
communications is a vastly increased
area of misunderstanding.
Lord Falkland`s Rule:
When it is not necessary to make a decision,
it is necessary not to make a decision.
Jones` Motto:
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
Gumperson`s Law:
The probability of anything happening is
inversely proportional to its desirability.
The Peter Principle:
In every hierarchy, each employee tends
to rise to his level of incompetence;
every post tends to be filled by an
employee incompetent to execute its duties.
Parkinson`s First Law:
Work expands to fill the time available
for its completion.
Parkinson`s Second Law:
Expenditures rise to meet income.
Shanahan`s Law:
The length of a meeting rises with the square
of the number of people present.
Zymurgy,s Seventh Exception to Murphy`s Laws:
When it rains it pours.
Jenkinson`s Law:
It won`t work.
The DREA Law:
Under the most rigorously controlled
conditions,the experimental apparatus
will do exactly as it pleases.
Skip`s Lament:
Given any problem containing N equations,
There will be n+1 unknowns.
Finagle`s First Law:
If an experiment works,
something has gone wrong.
Finagle`s Fourth Law:
Once a job is messed up,
anything done to improve it makes it worse.
Cheops` Law:
Nothing ever gets built on schedule
or within budget.
Wynne`s Law:
Negative slack tends to increase.
Boren`s Law:
When in doubt, mumble.
Q`s Law:
No matter what stage of completion one reaches
in a project, the cost of the remainder of the
project remains constant.